sheep go to heaven

There are days when I am really busy - I run around like a mad, grumpy chicken - snapping other people's heads off and pretending like I am really important and stuff.

Then there are days when I have no priorities and I wander up and down the hallway, watch TV, and wander between random rooms and spots on campus. I wonder as I wander - what am I doing with my life? (By life I dont' mean LIFE. That would just be silly, whereas what I'm thinking is not silly at all and very serious.) What could I be doing to further the happiness of my life while I am wandering doing nothing? And while I'm perfectly 'happy' on busy days, when I can cross things off of lists, I wonder during my wandering days about the significance of the items that were crossed off.

It's a cycle. It's not bad. I'm not unhappy. I'm going home for spring break, I think. I would not go home if my little brother were not there.

I think sibling love is the best kind of love in the world. The end of Catcher in the Rye makes me ridiculously happy. I love my little brother so much that I would shout it out to the world. I will probably tell you tomorrow how great he is. My love for him is absolutely unconditional - there is no question, and if there was a gun aimed at us, I'd probably jump in front of him. I remember I used to hang out with my brother on weekends during highschool instead of the friends who I had so much less in common with. We had our inside jokes. We had poop jokes, bathroom jokes. People think it's hard that he's 6 years younger than me, but, oh, it makes it so easy for me. I don't want a brother who is in the same stage of life as me. My favorite room in the house is his room - with the toy train track running around the wall near the ceiling, the X-Wing fighter hanging from the ceiling, the stuffed animals still in his bookcase, the whiteboard that we draw Trogdor and Homestar Runner characters on... does he still have his Toy Story comforter? I want to show everybody his room. I was there when the train track was being built, I was there when he and Dad painted the desk, I was there when he got the Star Wars glow-in-the-dark stickers and I've got several Rollercoaster Tycoon games saved on his computer. I love playing computer games with my little brother in his room. He likes it too. When he is playing Warcraft, he doesn't want me to leave, so I sit on his bed watching or flipping through his Lego magazines.

This is what I would miss if I never went home.

I am restless. I want to live in so many different ways, in so many different places. I want to say I am from California, Minnesota, London, Australia, China, Norway, Chicago, Nice, Florence, Scotland, Barcelona. I want the workers at Cahoot's to know my name and know that I do not like coffee and that I think they should work on their Chai latte because it is not very good (don't tell, but Starbucks' is better.) I want to work with big cats, with clothing, with books and writing, with photography. I want to work with houses, flowers, canvases, and ice cream. I want people to know my name and think fondly on it. I don't want people to avoid the name Kristina and all of its forms because it reminds them of me. I suppose this is what all people want. Not all people want to see good movies, though. So maybe what I just made was a very broad, generic, and false statement.

as fond o' yo as yo are o' me, kfizzle.