I spent a lot of time musing today about my state of mind. I realized that I am content, to put it simply, or is it the other 'c' word? Is it complacent? Is it resignation? God knows I've had a lot to smile about in the last couple of weeks, and dog knows that I've had plenty to cry about.
I don't want to dwell on this feeling for too long - even though it's probably already been too long. While question what feels good? That's probably a fabulous motto to keep throughout the rest of my life - I'm sure it won't lead to any destructive tendencies later on in life.
The sound travels through these walls faster than light -
Intrapersonal relationships are difficult and more than ever, I have learned that in the last year. It's not that when I hang out with you 1 instead of you 2 I like you 1 better - I'm just in the mood for you 1. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for you 1 for a week - but that doesn't mean I love them any less. People are a complicated network of red and blue wires and it's really hard to hook them up to all the right spots so that every single little lightbulb is switched on and not flickering or burning out. Sometimes I accidentally snip a wire. It's always a little painful when I get the little shock that comes from realizing this. I've never felt like a mean friend until this year - and yet I've never felt so loved. I'm happy where I am. I love the people I know. And I'm content to let things be the way they are for a while. Not too long a while, because I can't wait long.
Oh, that's not true - I waited a year for nothing and that ages me.
Today I told somebody that the year 2004 has been close to one of the best years of my life.
"it's a lonely lonely feeling when your valentine is wrong"
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