nothing compares 2 u

I have been dabbling in streaks of unfriendliness, but now I realize that I am on the brink of perhaps losing friends into the large pool of acquaintances. It is my fault, it is their fault, but I feel like I am not doing enough about it. The happier I am, the less I need friends. It is a rotten state and a rotten lot I've been given. The happier I am, the more I can enjoy time to myself. The more I want to enjoy time to myself.

So if I have been rotten to you, I apologize. I know I cannot be great friends with lots and lots of people; I was simply not ordained to be one of those people. I am too antisocial, too introverted, and believe me, no matter what you think, this is true.

I go out of my way to hang out with some people, and it always seems to slip my mind to hang out with others. This is the natural order of things. This is life - and I have trouble with that. Still, there are so many more amazing people that I dont' know and who I want to be my friends. It comes easy, it goes easy. It's so easy to meet new people and it's so easy to lose the people you've met before. It's shit, absolute shit, and I hate it.

I feel the exhaustion of sun on my skin. My skin feels stretched and dry, and so does my body. This weekend has been a good run.

I am still avoiding the future.