Paranoid Android

Tomorrow my plan is to get smashing drunk.

I ordered 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' on CD from the library so I can listen to it on my trip down to LA on the 21st. I also ordered David Sedaris reading 'Holidays on Ice' and "The Best Non-Required American Reading 2003," edited by none other than DAVE EGGERS.

It should be an abnormal Christmas season. Not only will my dad and brother be gone, I will be in Disneyland a couple days leading up towards Christmas and then I will be in Southern California - doing what? I don't know. I hope we can stay with my brother and my nephew baby, but odds are they are going to San Diego with his wife's family - it would only make sense. I don't know what mom wanted to do. Maybe we will drive back home on Christmas Eve and sit down and drink mimosas, sparkling apple cider, and watch Christmas specials on television. On Christmas, I will go to the movie theater and watch a good movie. I will be lonely. I will be fulfilled. I will be alone and be okay with that. It's hard to be alone here and be okay with that. At home, I expect it. Highschool was loneliness. So, hey, going back there isn't so out of the ordinary...

I don't know what I'm saying. It's strange - winter break seems to be a vacuum into which you get sucked in and then it's over and you fly out, right back out from where you came. It's a period of time that you spend completely in limbo - except real time actually does pass. Nothing is going to change when I'm at home. There is no reason to make new friends, to look for attractive people, to really make any change in your life except to plan the future. And I can do bullet lists and time charts alright, but not much else.

I will visit the MOMA. I will visit my friend at UC Davis. Maybe I will get down to UC San Diego. Maybe I will visit Laguna Beach with Michelle, eat chicken ceasar wraps and smoothies, and start a bonfire on the beach. We'll bring a portable boombox and dance around the fire, while our marshmallows burn and we get upset, but it doesn't really matter...

i've got reservations about so many things, but not about you

*Today I got told the umpteenth time this semester that I look like the lead singer from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I mean, that's pretty sweet.