sad one: When my dad wearily asked, 'How many years left of school does Brian have?' My mom answered, 'Nine.' My dad sighed. 'Nine.' Nine years before he can retire. He will be 66. My parents have made amazing sacrifices for us - and this kind of selflishness is beyond my grasp of understanding - as compassionate as I try to be, everything I do is ultimately for my betterment. Let's face it - it's true.
sad two: The same pattern, repeated, a year later, with a person I thought was my, not to say 'evil twin,' but my equivalent in the world, a friend I made in ridiculous record time and who I thought would salvage my days. And they did, for a while. I could tick off a long checklist of traits they had in common: both had amazingly freaky similarities with me, both are incredibly sensitive males, both tend to believe the world revolves around them, both get offended incredibly easily, both take your sarcasm to heart and dig you into a hole of guilt so deep you can never get out, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And so I call them my new best friend one week, and then can barely handle them the next. It is discouraging, this emptiness I taste.
happy one: I ate pizza and played Risk with my mom and brother tonight. I won Risk, after my brother pulled an Adolescent Hormonal Manuever and quit the game just as I took Southern Europe from him on the defense. Got drunk on wine while sipping it with my mom. Love my mom. Love my brother.
happy two: I am never sure whether to be responsible or irrational. Today, I choose irrationality.
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